Prompt:
A boy and a girl are planning a surprise.There project goes well until something goes wrong. Write a story about what went wrong and how they solved it.
Mother's day was approaching quite rapidly and Rosa and Mark did not know what to buy for their sweet mother. She still had thought of everything but it was still too much for their 15 dollar bugdet. Rosa sat on the couch and thought. Suddenly, Mark broke the silence and announced " Why don't we surprise mom by buying some flowers?" It was so simple,yet special.
Rosa and Mark mounted their bikes and rode to Shoprite. They dashed to the flower section and stopped abruptly in their tracks. In front of them was empty shelves and torn off flower petals."Don't tell me that there are no flowers"Rosa cried with her mouth hung open and in agony.
"Maybe Miss Pea has some flowers."Mark responded with a shrug. The two of them biked all the way to their neighbor, Miss Pea's house."Miss Pea!" Mark hollered "do you have any flowers?"he continued.
"Sorry, I didn't grow any this season"she replied. Rosa went back home and called her grandparents to see if they can bring flowers, but the answer was the same.
Mark suggested."We should call Aunt Bree to see if she has any."Mark said sighing
Rosa snorted"I seriously doubt she'll have any,but it is worth a try." A minute later, Rosa dialed the phone and murmured"Yes,Yes, Thank you,bye!"Her face lit up as grin spread across her face."She has some, she whispered.
As Aunt Bea drove into the driveway,Rosa and Mark crowded her van. They were eager to see the broad smile on her face.And they waited for the new upcoming.
Abi, very well written. Everything was there, the dialoge, plot, suprise, problem, and solution. I understand why you did it based on Mother's Day because Mother's Day is coming up. One thing you could of done was, why were there no flowers. Maybe there were no flowers because all the folwers ran out. Or something else. But overall, very well written!
ReplyDeletehey "Amazing Abi" you post is very well written as Rashmi stated. YOu had everything that was needed to complete a story that was sepculative. One thing you could have done was elaborated on the problem and considered the length of the story as well. Other than that great job!
ReplyDeleteAmazing! As one of the last posts on your blog, this is great. It demonstrates your progress as a writer and I'm sure that this is one of the best stories. However, it has flaws. Despite the dialougue and appropriate length, the problem was weak. No flowers in a flower shop? This is unrealistic. There are always floweres, and I know that some florists seperate bunches of flowers when their inventory is low for profit. The flower section would be closed if, by some chance, every flower, even undesirables, were purchased. ( It is similar to the glasses section at Walmart, they are usually seperate companies) Also, who is Miss Pea? You never explained that! Why would they expect a random person to have a bouquet of flowers ready for they? You should have added more the plot. Furthermore, the solution is a little sudden. I mean, people have many aunts, why call a specific one and ask if they just happen to have a bunch of flowers? Once again, you should have explained why these people are options for them. In reality,making paper flowers instead or picking wildflowers are more likely solutions than having an aunt come here with a bunch of flower in her van. Anyway, this story has flaws, but it is great and stands up to the name Amazing Abi!
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